Back to Blogging After Four Years

It has been 4 years since I've attempted to write. No that isn't quite right. I have tried to write of some of the horrible things that have come. But I was choked from doing it by overwhelming sad emotions and the inability to share some things due to court cases. 

You see, I had love, a partner that understood me, accepted me and supported me, taken in the aftermath of a car accident. Our marriage ended 18 years, 8 months and 5 days after our wedding day. He suffered for 6 days in a coma. He had to have surgery that, had he survived, would have changed him physically forever. I shudder to think of what his mental state would have been having suffered the trauma of the accident you see he was in his electric wheelchair when he was run over by a car running a red light. 

It has been a difficult journey to deal with the grief of losing him. I had help for a while in a grief group for Widows/Widowers. I joined a Facebook group to help in the day to day dealings. It has not been easy.

For the first year I found I was numb for some things. In 2019 the first wedding anniversary without him came shortly after his celebration of life; the first Halloween and Christmas, his birthday. I found I couldn't listen to any music - music had been such a big part of our lives.  Those times were hard but I was somewhat numb. There were tears. Lots of tears. But also for the first year there were times I felt overwhelmed and so emotional. The first anniversary of his death struck hard. Around that time I ended up moving and having to go through all of his stuff in prep for the move. So hard. There were times I wondered if it was even worth living.

Now I'm in my second year without him. I am finding I'm feeling things more. The numbness has receeded and I've felt things. I've been dealing with more depression, more thoughts of what could have been had he not been in the accident, I've had to deal with the traffic court and came away wishing Canadian law was a lot harsher to people who have killed someone, even unintentionally, with their vehicle. 

I thought restarting this blog about dealing in everyday life might help me deal with things. If you have read this far - thank you. If you stick around - really thank you! 

If I can say anything profound that you take away - be kind. I've had a lot of lovely people sit with me through this grief journey. Sometimes hold my hand, my bruised and chewed up heart, or just listen to me talk and remember my wonderful husband. If you know someone who is grieving... whether they are grieving their lost loved one or a job or something else, be kind. Ask them how you can help. Let them know you are thinking about them. Let them talk about what grieves them. It helps. Just sitting with them in the heaviness helps.